The Stoke: Motivation, Addiction, and the Affective Experience of Surfers

In keeping with the week’s impromptu theme of addiction, this guest post was written by psychology and anthropology student Kelsi Nummerdor following her ethnographic and theoretical research as a participant in The Anthropology of Surfing, a three-week study abroad field course offered by the University of Georgia and taught in Costa Rica by anthropologist Dr. Pete Brosius. Kelsi explores the addictive quality of surfing, shedding light on a puzzling question - which came first: the surfer or the addict? Are we addicts because we are surfers, or are we surfers because we are addicts?

The Stoke: Motivation, Addiction,

 and the Affective Experience of Surfers

“Catch a wave and you’re sitting on top of the world”. These are the iconic words of the 1963 Beach Boys hit, Catch a Wave. This sentiment expresses, in a way, the focus of my ethnographic study of surfers along the Guanacaste coast. The affective experience of surfing, though limited significantly in narratability, is intensely sought after and highly regarded among surfers. The emotional states that occur while surfing are described and expressed in a variety of ways, but there is general agreement that the feeling of the “stoke”, as well as other psycho-emotional and physiological states produced by the physical act of surfing, are highly pleasurable and oftentimes semi-addictive. This cycle of intense affective experience, motivation to re-experience, and subsequent “addiction” is apparent among the lifestyle/soul-surfers I encountered in Guanacaste. Additionally, numerous portrayals of surfers in the media support the claim that surfing is semi-addictive, and that this addiction could possibly be explained by physiological and psychological states inherently catalyzed by the surf experience. Additionally, a multitude of social, environmental, and individual factors can actuate or reinforce motivation to surf. It is exigent to add that this process of “addiction” occurs among the presence of significant risks to physical and social well being (i.e., situations wherein decisions are made that elevate surfing above job or relationship security). Surfing is inherently risky and surfers choose to surf despite, perhaps even because of, these risks.

It must initially be addressed that describing the affective experience of surfing is oftentimes arduous, resulting in fragmentary and largely incomplete data. This is due in large part to the inherent limits of narratability that surround surfing; the surfing experience was termed “indescribable” by many interviewees. The embodied nature of surfing in conjunction with low levels of explicit knowledge and relatively high levels of tacit knowledge help explain these limits: one cannot state exactly how it feels to experience surfing because many aspects of the activity are largely unconscious and acquired through repetitious bodily training. The partially tacit nature of surf knowledge should not suggest simplicity, however. Although decision-making while in the core flow state of surfing seems to be largely unconscious, a highly complex decision making process is still able to occur (Butts, ND). I believe that the process of embodied action in conjunction with the highly unique flow state experience contribute to the addictiveness of surfing. I am willing to postulate that embodiment in the “flow” is highly psychologically pleasurable, and therefore semi-addictive in its own right. I will address this, categorized as a state of intense focus, in subsequent paragraphs.

The aforementioned limits of narratability occur quite quickly when discussing surfing, and make significant understanding of the activity by non-participants nearly impossible. Butts addresses the importance of participant-observation in his article Good to the Last Drop: Understanding Surfers’ Motivation. Personal anecdotal experience supports Butts statement. I was able to explore the act of surfing over the course of three weeks, and believe it has allowed me to push these limits of narratability significantly farther than observation as a non-participant.

Addiction can be described in a variety of ways, and my use of the term here is loose and context-specific. I have chosen to organize my findings around the following working definition of addiction: “the condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something”. This definition is broad enough to allow behavior, even cognition, to constitute addiction. The lack of explicit reference to substance allows significantly greater freedom in conceptualizing behaviors, even lifestyle choices, as addictions. Additionally, the term occupied allows one to conceive of many instances of occupation. Cognition, discussion, media consumption, and actual performance of an activity may all be categorized as occupation. Psychological and medical literature on addiction is very broad, and I will not describe in detail specific mechanisms of addiction. I will, however, posit that I believe surfing creates a pleasurable physiological response that promotes addiction. Action-specific neurotransmitters (i.e., adrenaline and dopamine) are likely released while surfing. These neurotransmitters catalyze feelings of excitement and pleasure that motivate surfers to repeatedly pursue peak experiences. Conversely, Butts postulates that the nearly constant emotional flux between tension and calm (e.g., the roughness of the inside relative to the serenity of the line-up) functions as a mechanism of physiological optimization of performance in the water. This state of oscillating emotional arousal, Butts suggests, could help us understand the addictive nature of surfing. In chapter four of Surfing and Social Theory, Ford posits a slightly different mechanism: mimetic theory. This theory describes mimetic activities as those that simulate emotions present in riskier, more violent times of human presence. These activities are therefore primordially satisfying. Surfing could prove to be a mimetic activity and therefore a catalyst of intense fight-or-flight-esque emotions. The intensity and rarity of these experiences could also help explain their addictive properties.

Ethnographically, addiction presents in a multitude of ways. The jargon of addiction is often employed by surfers to describe how they experience the desire to surf, or to describe the initial process of becoming “hooked” on the sport. I encountered the phrase “I got the itch [to surf]” multiple times from various sources. One individual, the owner of a tattoo shop, revealed that if the waves are good, he will close the shop in the middle of the day to go surf. This is an example of socially and economically risky behavior that is employed to allow the surfer to get his “fix”. Another individual expressed explicitly that he is “addicted to adrenaline, fear, and pain…surfing is a love, a passion, an addiction, an obsession, a way of life. It shapes your decisions”. Another surfer expressed a feeling of exhaustion after surfing that made him want to do nothing for the rest of the day. This exhaustion is an interesting parallel to the feeling of satiation an addict receives after receiving one’s “fix”. Similarly, one surfer remarked that he did not surf competitively because surfing “gave him enough”. The centrality of surfing in lifestyle fulfills the habitual requirement of my working definition of addiction.

There are many additional aspects of surfing that could contribute to its semi-addictive nature. Most obvious is the physiological and emotional rush one receives when riding a wave. This is what surfers call the “stoke”. The transitory nature of this feeling promotes the search for the next good wave, the next “high”. I experienced multiple times the “one more wave” phenomenon, wherein I decided to end my surfing session for the day, but stayed out for as much as 45 minutes longer because I was searching for the next “great wave”. In psychological terms, this could be conceptualized as variable-interval reinforcement within Skinner’s ‘Schedules of Reinforcement’ within the larger construct of operant conditioning. In this schedule of reinforcement, participants are uninformed as to when reward will be received; like gambling, one waits in a constant state of anticipation for positive reinforcement. In both surfing and other activities, anticipation, subsequent arousal, and eventual reward catalyze the creation of addiction and reinforce established addiction. Additionally, feeling capable, strong, and like you are “riding the energy of the wave” are all also positive behavioral reinforcements. The pleasure of spontaneity, a can-do autonomy, and control over behavior (perhaps magnified by the opposing nature of the out-of-control ocean) also reinforce motivation to surf (Ford 2006).

Social reinforcement and motivation also exist. Being part of the surf community can be highly socially satisfying and consequently promote increased surf behaviors. The embodied nature of surfing greatly heightens this group dynamic of ‘us’ versus ‘them’. As one surfer said, “you have to experience it [surfing] to understand it”. This group dynamic also allows members to sustain a feeling of “antipathy towards bureaucracy and formal organizations” (Ford 2006). The ability to drop out, live in the present (similar fundamentally, I believe, to the flow experience of embodiment), and choose “freedom” are also motivational for surfers (Ford 2006). One can “escape, relocate, and travel” in the name of surfing (Comer 2010). Ethnographically speaking, the character of Kahuna in Gidget exemplifies the life of a surfer bum who “drops out” of society to pursue surfing and “live the dream”.  Similarly, the surf community, through the creation and sustainment of community, social reinforcements, enculturation practices, and multi-media sources of information dissemination, are able to create their own world with unique standards of etiquette (line-up etiquette), skill appraisal, and conceptions of space. This unique space suited to the desires, needs, and preferences of surfers motivates surfers to continue surf behaviors and perpetuate surf society. In other words, a positive feedback loop exists such that the more surf culture grows, the more it reinforces its own growth.

The ocean environment also seems to be motivational for many surfers. Surfing and Social Theory posits that the centrality of a personal relationship with the ocean is fundamental to the sport. Interesting, this hypothesis presents ethnographically. One surfer stated that, “[while surfing] it’s just you and the waves”. Others remarked that the “environment is great” and that “respect for the ocean” is crucial. The serenity of the line-up, the humbling experience of being among dangerous wildlife, and the feeling of incredible smallness that occurs when floating in the ocean make me believe wholeheartedly that the powerful, aquatic environment is in itself reinforcing because of its uniqueness and extremity. In few other places, as one surfer remarked, is the environment constantly changing. Drowning, shark attacks, and other serious injuries also occur amongst the waves. These risks likely heighten the arousal state and make the feeling of success, or “dominating a wave”, more deeply fulfilling. So it does indeed seem that certain individuals may surf because of risks inherent to surfing, and not in spite of them. This postulate is supported by the seemingly large number of surfers who also take part in other extreme sports like skateboarding, snowboarding, or jumping motorbikes.

Ethnographic study illuminates explicitly describable motivation for certain surfers. I received a variety of responses when asking why individuals surf. There were common themes, however. Surfing was referred to by several participants as a “focus point” or “100% focus, like meditation; a zen moment”. This intensity of focus, I believe, corresponds to the core flow experience of surfing, the peak of the embodiment phase, wherein decisions are made unconsciously and incredibly quickly. I believe this could catalyze another theme I witnessed: the experience of “leaving” your problems in the water. I was told: “if you have problems, you forget them in the water”, surfing is an “escape”, surfing “gives you a fresh start”, “you go into the water with a full chalkboard…it [surfing] clears your chalkboard”.  Butts also remarked that surfing “clears the mind and cleanses the spirit.” Similarly, surfing and the relationship with the ocean is seen as fundamentally religious by some. “Mother Ocean” was referenced by one interviewee, and merchandise stating “surfing is my religion” can be seen in surf communities like Guanacaste. Additionally, certain surfers reserve specific rituals for new surf boards or pre-ride physical preparations.

Among other things, surfing can “teach you discipline”, keep you “physically fit”, and sustain a “life philosophy”. One surfer, when asked what surfing does for him, remarked emphatically “What doesn’t it do for me?” and began to list a wide range of benefits and ideologies that surfing supplies him. Surfing, for many, is fulfilling, addictive, motivating, and enjoyable. Surfers often surf for life, and mindfully construct their lives in order to most effectively fulfill their “fix”. In closing, many people reflected that surfing simply feels good. Gidget herself expressed elatedly and repeatedly that surfing is “the ultimate!”

Future research on surfing could begin to illuminate answers to significant questions regarding narratability of flow states, obsessive or risk-taking behavior among surfers, and (if they are present) individual differences between people who get hooked on surfing and those who do not. It would be beneficial for addiction studies in general, I believe, to understand what factors influence the development of individual addiction. No amount of research will answer completely or satisfactorily what surfing means to every surfer; too much emotional and experiential variation undoubtedly exists. However, beginning to understand the motivations, experiences, perceptions, addictions, lifestyle choices, and health benefits of surfers will be both generative and beneficial for a variety of multifaceted disciplines. I am glad I had to opportunity to experience surfing, and to begin what I hope will be a journey into the inner workings of surfing. Right now, above all else, I would really like to go catch a wave.

  

Works Cited

Butts, Steven.  ND.  “Good to the last drop: Understanding surfer’s motivations.”  Sociology of Sport Online 4(1):

Comer, K.  2010.  “Californians in Diaspora: The making of a local/global subculture.”  Chap. 1, Surfer Girls in the New World Order.  Durham: Duke University Press.

Ford, N. & D. Brown.  “Surfing as subculture and lifestyle.” 2006.  Chap. 4, Surfing and Social Theory: Experience, Embodiment and Narrative of the Dream Glide. London: Routledge.

Henderson, M.  2001.  “A shifting line up: Men, women, and Tracks surfing magazine.”  Continuum: Journal of Media & Cultural Studies 15(3):319-332.

i might as well face it

“so what’d you do today, T?” 

my DC BFFs and i were standing in their kitchen, convening over a glass of wine to digest the day. i was in town visiting for the week and was at the height of my ‘live-life-to-the-fullest’ vacation philosophy. given past experiences, they didn’t know what to make of my sly smile.

“fell in love. what’d you do?” their eyes rolled in unison.

“you didn’t fall in love, Tara, give me a break. you’ve hung out with this guy for like two hours.”

“so what, i’m still in love.” i had spent the Spring afternoon drinking happy hour Peronis on a posh patio in Dupont Circle with an old friend turned newfound love interest. charming, quick-quitted, just the right amount of shy to keep me interested. looking at him now, i regretted overlooking him in college; we’d be married with a two-year-old by now. it was a three-city romance and we were only in city number two. it’s Spring in DC and he’s a writer and he laughs at my jokes and one time he drove his mini-van all the way from Venice Beach to drop me off in the valley. of course i was in love.

“you’re not in love, T. you’re just addicted to being in love.” 

zing: reality check. the kind only lifelong friends can provide. i glared at her above my long-stemmed glass, wishing she was wrong. 

_______

super nintendo, ‘N Sync, surfing, spinning class, dark chocolate, impossible relationships, Hugo Chavez and the Bolivarian Revolution, traveling, playing clarinet, Spanish, booze and partying, yoga, writing, Stairmaster, jumping off tall things into water, tanning, live music, Marxism, romantic conquest, food in general, the death of capitalism, indigenous spirituality, surf trips, facebook, detoxing, rebelling against authority, and now apparently, being in love. and i’m sure friends and family could remind me of a few more i’m forgetting.  

“you have what’s called an addictive personality.” while i was hesitant to accept his label, the free psychologist i saw twice made the obvious observation i had refused to acknowledge in myself. i had always wanted to see it as more of a blessing than a curse, a valiant sense of drive toward accomplishment and passion for the things and people i loved most in my life (interestingly, they say that great leaders exhibit the very same character traits found in people with addictive personalities; our biggest weaknesses are also our greatest strengths).  i still have trouble admitting it’s even a problem, and i imagine addicts with substance-abuse problems, in AA and rehab and stuff, they’d probably look at my issues and laugh in my face.

in my case, my supposed addictive personality has never been cause for serious concern, since luckily my addictions have thus far been (mostly) positive as opposed to life-threatening or drug-related. rather than being addicted to substances or self-inflicted physical pain or any one thing in particular like some drug addicts or alcoholics, people with addictive personalities have a range of things to choose from to get their fix, finding solace in a different activity, behavior or gluttonous practice of consumption beyond that which is considered normal on any given day, or in any given hour for that matter. this makes addiction to certain things difficult to recognize in oneself, easy to hide from others, and even easier to perpetuate indefinitely. it also makes your addictions harder to overcome, since there are so many of them and it’s less about the thing you’re addicted to than about the way you’re wired as a person: your personality is the problem. with  a ‘predisposition to addiction’ built into the very essence of your being as the defining characteristic of addictive personalities, the world is your oyster, and everything in it that attracts you or peaks your interest becomes fodder for addiction. it is said that one thing separating addiction from just loving something a whole lot or pursuing as a hobby that which brings you pleasure, is that people with addiction problems spend excessive time and energy on a certain activity, behavior, object or relationship because they feel like they have to, not because they like to. It’s not an “I want to…” or “I love to…” it’s an “I need to, I have to, I must…” and it’s always ‘right now this very instant’.

lucky for me, my main addictions are for the most part self-balancing, allowing me to disguise them as activities that bring me joy and keep me healthy and sociable, making me appear driven and passionate toward meaningful goals and allowing me to fit in as normal in most social situations. for example, balancing my compulsive overeating addiction with my exercise and surfing addictions keeps me fit, and if for some reason i get out of balance and gain a few pounds when i don’t find the time to burn enough calories running to make up for a serious stint of binge-eating, i get to re-balance by simply turning to my detox addiction, getting back on track with a colon cleanse or juice fast people admire as an example of living a healthy lifestyle. tell that to the three chocolate bar wrappers hiding in the trash can.   

“can you think of a few things you might have been addicted to in the past?” while i fired him shortly after asking it (something a little too creepy about your shrink’s constant mention that he loves your name because his dead wife loves (note: present tense) Gone with the Wind, especially when he points to her picture staring at you from the coffee table), this question inspired the list i created above, and has allowed me to get in touch with deeper psycho-emotional realities i could have otherwise continued masking under the guise of living my life’s passions. and i think some of these new realizations extend past the realm of addictive personalities into the spheres of our shared experiences as social and socialized beings, which is why i’m taking the time to write this.

my answer to his question in the moment, though, came to mind quickly and simply: “i’ve been addicted to everything and everyone i’ve ever loved.”

____

after studying ‘my condition’ in the resources i could find in a simple google search, i found the information interesting and revealing, not just because i could relate to the associated character traits and behavior patterns, but also because i could see how my addictive personality may have less to do with me as an individual possessing an innate character flaw, and more to do with my subjection to and socialization within the society of which i am a part. it’s not necessarily me as an entity in and of myself, but rather the combined result of me + me subjecting myself to the sociocultural norms of my society, which have contributed to the creation of my personality as both a social actor and social subject. i knew i had work to do on myself, but i felt somehow relieved to know that it might not just be me or others like me with addictive personalities, but rather that many of us suffering in modernity or consumer culture or whatever we want to call the experience of life we share today, may very well be experiencing similar problems as a result of our socialized and subjectified selves. the following is an exploration of this idea, connecting the addictive personality with other manifestations of our lives as social subjects in the pursuit of happiness.

addictive personalities, from where i’m sitting

for those of us with addictive personalities, we have the privilege of bouncing from one addiction to the next or being addicted to many things at once instead of relying on one substance or activity to keep us high, like some addicts who don’t necessarily fit the addictive personality prototype. here’s an example from my own life to give this some context: i walk to the beach with my board to get my daily surf fix, only to find the waves are flat. panic sets in so i go on a run instead to get that runner’s high feeling, then i meet friends for dinner to celebrate life with a feast, a few glasses of wine and four ‘shared’ desserts (of which i scarf down the most and any possible leftovers), then i feel guilty, fat and ugly for eating so much so i go out and buy a pretty new dress, giving me a shopper’s high (followed by ensuing consumption guilt), yet still making me feel good about myself physically because damn, i look good in my new dress, giving me the emotional strength to write a heart-wrenching email to my long-distance non-boyfriend who has just attempted to end our codependent relationship for the seventh time in four years; wiping the tears and swiping on a fresh coat of mascara, i go out and party to welcome my rebound phase in style, having the time of my life drunkenly flirting with men who make me feel like ‘i’ve still got it’ in slurring speech and stinking breath, getting home late and passing out in my clothes, waking up horrendously hungover until i can paddle out for a few waves to get my head straight again, followed by a heaping breakfast for three consumed by one, at which point i begin re-evaluating my life (what am i doing?! this isn’t me. i don’t need this party lifestyle with strangers to make me feel 'good enough'. i’m going to get over getting dumped by being true to ME for a change!) and i make new promises to self: from now on i’m consuming no carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no caffeine and no alcohol – FOREVER! rinse and repeat to infinity.

for an addictive personality, there’s always a new high to avoid the low, and the longer you’ve been at it, the better you get at perfecting your own personalized bag of tricks, drowning yourself in one addiction to get over the pain of the loss or ending of another. it becomes predictably cyclical really, and it means that living in extremes is your only option, because moderation in any of the things you are addicted to is by the very definition of addiction, impossible, no matter how many times you’ve convinced yourself otherwise. so you’re either eating only chocolate cake or none at all, you’re partying your face off or staying home with a strict 10pm bedtime, you’re surfing every day twice a day or not at all, you’re marrying your non-boyfriend or never speaking to him again. no in-betweens, no maybe just a little bit; you’re all or nothing at any given time whether you like it or not. because that’s just how you are, whether you like it or not.

experts and pyschologists say it’s because we with addictive personalities have low self-esteem, are prone to anxiety and depression, seek to avoid pain at all costs, cannot delay gratification, are uncomfortable in social situations, feel that we’re ‘not good enough’, believe that we do not fit within societal norms, and are unable to handle stress, and as a result, we end up chasing experiences or indulging in behaviors that give us an escape from those issues, allowing us to experience a sense of joy or high by using our addictions to avoid feeling low. thus, as soon as the enjoyment of one addiction wears off, or if we are for some reason deprived of it, we swiftly switch over to another addiction promising a similar sense of enjoyment. however, when we use our addictions as a coping mechanism in this way (which is of course what we do), the joke’s on us, since our addictions do not actually soothe us in any sustainable way; rather, they perpetuate deeper and deeper addiction by providing only momentary relief from feelings of anxiety, frustration or discomfort, making us feel like we need to feed our addiction more and more in the hope that if we do it enough, we will be able to feel that sense of relief and enjoyment permanently and escape our problems once and for all. Unfortunately, this is not how it works, so at the end of the day we are still left with our feelings and insecurities, and all of our addictions to boot. Speaking as a clinically diagnosed addictive personality, i resonate with these descriptions and there isn’t a single one i would deny in myself.

i can’t help but wonder, though, are these ‘personality traits’ so exclusive to us addictive personality anomalies or are they more common than we think? i imagine if you’re still reading this, a lot of it might be resonating with you, too. and that’s the part that grabs me, that in one way or another, we all might resonate with the identifying factors commonly associated with addictive personalities. and i think the aspects that we most identify with are telling of our experiences as socialized subjects of modern society and the norms of our inescapable consumer culture: 1) seeking escape from the confines of our increasingly homogenous yet overwhelmingly stressful reality; and 2) the desire-driven fantasy of achieving lasting satisfaction through the pursuit of the things or activities that, by their very nature, bring us only fleeting moments of joy and happiness -- a fantasy created and perpetuated by consumer culture’s promise of satisfaction by way of material accumulation, consumption and living the (increasingly unattainable) American Dream.

consumer culture, at the heart of capitalism, persists in tricky ways, despite a growing recognition that owning more stuff or even collecting countless exciting experiences is not what contributes to lasting happiness or overall wellbeing. psycho-analytic interpretations offer a useful explanation for relentless consumption, interestingly quite similar to the behavioral processes experienced by us addictive personalities. The overwhelming staying power of capitalism in general, and consumer culture in particular, rests on its ability to produce in its subjects a useful cycle of desire and fantasy based on the Lacanian pursuit of jouissance, a state of fleeting excitement or a momentary sense of fulfillment which ‘promises a satisfaction it can never deliver’. As consumers, we get a glimpse of this jouissance by way of our ‘material or affective’ practices of consumption – feeling that twinge of joy by purchasing or indulging in something that makes us believe we will eventually feel permanently satisfied once we consume enough of the thing or experience that provides that sense of fleeting joy; if only we might ‘get enough’ of that which will never give us the satisfaction we believe it will, we create the illusion in our minds that we will eventually get to a point of true satisfaction. sadly, as in the case of addiction, this is a game we will never win, and as the psycho-emotional effects of consumerism demonstrate, we may very well exhaust all consumptive and/or addictive avenues seeking to attain a neverending jouissance, which, by its very definition, is an impossible fantasy. the ensuing low is then even more unbearable, prompting us to perhaps try a new consumptive approach or seek to escape our hopeless predicament through other avenues and experiences, maybe through mind-altering drugs, travel abroad, or going for a surf.

Zizek’s comments on the subject date to 1989 in the book The Sublime Object of Ideology, where he wrote the following regarding the relationship between jouissance and consumer behavior (as cited in Rob Fletcher’s 2013 article in Human Geography, titled “Bodies do Matter: The Peculiar Persistence of Neoliberalism in Environmental Governace):

an opportunity for further accumulation is created as [consumers] seek to re-experience the desired emotional stimulation in search of an illusory satisfaction. As the object of this process is an ephemeral affective state that passes quickly with little residual impact on the body, the accumulation process can be virtually infinite, facilitating continual capitalization without readily discernable limit or consequence…. compelling increased consumption of the products and services through which jouissance is pursued.

this perpetual yearning for an impossible satisfaction fits nicely in the capitalist framework whereby we, as an entire global society, will continue over-consuming, out of feelings of angst and emptiness, all that is being over-produced, therefore fulfilling our role as consumers propelling economic growth through accumulation, the very core of the global economic system.

when we think about it this way, are we not all on the same hamster-wheel, perpetually seeking an unattainable yet promised satisfaction by way of consumption, ill-fated addictive personality or no? might it be, then, that the addictive personality is not such an anomaly after all? could the addictive personality, in fact, be the personality prototype of modern life in capitalist society?

as capitalist subjects coming to terms with the depressing nature of our fantasy-driven pursuits, we’ve been seeking ways and means to overcome consumer culture’s grasp on our lives and begin transforming our systems toward non-capitalist alternatives. but how do we surmount the contradiction in terms that is our own subjection within a system we aim to invalidate and abandon? how do i transform my addictive personality, which is reliant upon the unattainable promises of consumer culture, to accommodate a post-capitalist reality? society has grown rife with anti-capitalist sentiment, yet capitalism persists; our self-subjection to capitalism keeps us trapped – trapped in ourselves through addiction and consumption, and trapped in our ensuing self-enslavement to the economic and sociocultural dynamics of the capitalist system, alternatives to which we are still unable to imagine as the capitalist subjects we are today.  

J.K. Gibson-Graham, in their book A Postcapitalist Politics, refer to the ‘pain and possibility’ in unraveling our self-subjection to capitalism, a preliminary step wrought with perturbing existential challenges vital to envisioning other economic and social realities. this is the same psycho-emotive scenario experienced  by addictive personalities coming to terms with the need to change self and transform personality in order to overcome addiction; indeed, no easy task. it’s painful to try and change ourselves from a reality we’ve always known, yet if we wish to experience a post-addiction and/or post-capitalist world, waking up to our own self-subjection within capitalism’s requisite consumer culture is a difficult, yet necessary first step. for addictive personalities, this unraveling stage begins by convincing ourselves of the harsh reality that our addictions, no matter how much we feed them, are never going to provide us with the lasting satisfaction we think they will. from there, it’s a matter of overcoming deep-seated insecurities at the heart of our actions and transforming psycho-social behavior patterns we’ve relied on as coping mechanisms for as long as we can remember. for the rest of us living in modernity, the unraveling stage is quite similar and has already begun, based on a waking-up through recognition; that is, recognizing that neither material nor affective/experiential consumption makes us happy over the long-term, because its promise of a satisfaction or jouissance it can never deliver leaves us wanting more in perpetuity; the more we consume, the greater the lack we feel. from there, beginning to reconstitute ourselves in previously unimagined ways, we explore the possibilities of our unraveling, a coming-into-being of post-capitalist actors and subjects in a concomitantly emerging post-capitalist reality: becoming ‘other’ so that ‘other’ social and economic realities may finally come to fruition.  

_____________

i find this entire reflection at once fascinating and humbling as i think about what it means in my own life, in how i’ll even begin to transform my addictive personality into something i cannot yet fathom. ironically, i’ve embarked upon an academic career devoted to killing capitalism (one of my many addictions, as it were), yet it’s only now that i’m coming to realize that i must also kill capitalism in myself by overcoming my addictive personality. the irony there is my pain and my possibility: the unraveling of my self-subjection to capitalism will hurt, and i will, as a result, have increasingly fewer addictions at my disposal to pick me back up again, yet i find solace in hoping that in unraveling i will create a space for my as yet unimaginable post-capitalist self to emerge as part and parcel of the simultaneously emerging post-capitalist society. 

and in that hope i dare to believe that the unfathomable is indeed possible.

the awakening (part 4 of 5): talkin' bout a revolution

don't you know 
they're talkin' bout a revolution 
it sounds like a whisper… 
don't you know 
they're talkin' about a revolution 
it sounds like a whisper… 

when Tracy Chapman first sang those words it was 1988, and very few people were in the mood for global revolution - especially in the West - despite the sprouting seeds of growing inequalities, environmental concerns and corporate interests coopting democracy. flash-forward 25 years and what then might have sounded like a whisper is now a world-wide chorus of screams we can’t possibly ignore. and they really are talkin’ bout a revolution now, even when it’s couched in friendlier language like ‘transition’ or ‘shift’ or ‘occupy’. we use those lighter words because when we hear ‘revolution’ we think guillotines and Jacobins in 1789 France or the decades-long Islamic Revolution in Afghanistan whose violent aftermath persists today. we hear revolution and we’re scared of what it might entail: will we have to die so that others might live in justice and freedom? what will the new system look like and how do we know it won’t be worse than the one we’ve got? god forbid, will we have to change the ways we live and exist in the world to accommodate more sustainable ways of living?

we forget that revolution need not be violent or even abrupt as it has been in the past; instead, we might conceive of our present revolution as a steady change now decades in the making, finally coming to the fore as global citizens unite against oppressive power imbalances, taking a stand versus corporations running politics to the detriment of people everywhere, and demanding a reversal of the destructive pillaging of the Earth on which all life depends. but the revolution we’re experiencing today isn’t just ‘against’ the powers that be with no direction on where we go from here, akin to a short-sighted protest lacking vision or purpose. no, our current revolution is both deconstructive of injustice and creative in innovation at the same time, offering tangible examples of what kind of world comes next while concomitantly destroying the old order through resistance movements and withdrawal of consent to oppression and exploitation. when we recognize our revolution for what it is – the dismantling of the old and the simultaneous creation of the new – it need not be terrifying, but rather inspiring that a fundamental change in power relations, socioeconomic structures and governing institutions is indeed on the horizon. and that our many interventions, be they minor or grandiose, are contributing to this change in ways we might not even recognize or understand.

we all have a unique role in supporting the change: fighters, writers, farmers, artists, activists, eco-socialists, community leaders, spiritual gurus, filmmakers, academics; young, old, rich, poor, North, South, East, West. we all have something to contribute; and more and more, these interventions are coming to be seen not just as choices we make in support of a sustainable and just future, but as moral obligations of the global countermovement to build new realities and to rise up against the system and its increasingly illegitimate institutions controlled by corporate interests:

the legitimacy of both states and international institutions is now contaminated by corruption, usurpation, and bias. it is therefore the obligation of the people – in this case the people of the world – to “alter or abolish them.” given such an obligation, there must also be a right to take the action necessary to fulfill it. further, institutional structures, practices, and purported laws that block or punish such action are inherently illegitimate and unconstitutional. they represent little more than lawless force and violence. these concepts legitimate a withdrawal of consent of the kind that… provides the underlying power of social movements.[i]

with governments unresponsive to citizen demands for socio-structural change, it’s less about rallying for piecemeal legislation within unworkable political frameworks and more about entire system transformations aligned with new-paradigm thinking and a complete overhaul of the global economic model at the heart of hegemonic oppression and exploitation; for in the words of Audre Lorde, “the Master’s tools will never dismantle the Master’s house”. in that sense, our revolution is disassembling the global capitalist system and its instruments of control by way of building new-paradigm approaches to social and economic relations and institutions based on collectivity, cooperation and shared solutions to common challenges. as we are seeing in the growing presence of social movements and protests in major cities around the world, global society is ready for change and our systems are ripe for revolution; now it’s just a matter of when and how.

in the circle I had a vision of a buffalo skull and it said: ‘now is the time to rise up; we can’t wait any longer.’  

these words linger in my ears and brain crevices now, months after they were spoken by a sister at the moon dance, finding deep resonance in the sense of urgency we’re experiencing in the seemingly imminent need for change NOW, not tomorrow or the next day but right this very instant. and it seems that more and more people are being called to the causes that irk their heartstrings and make their souls sing: climate change, poverty and famine, labor rights, sustainable development, social equality, economic and environmental justice. and while our motivations differ, our objectives are one and the same: a radical transformation in the current global order toward equality, justice and peace for all of humanity in harmony with nature. it might not be about a grand scale plan, since grassroots change and local solutions are proving powerful in driving global change from the bottom-up. but no matter how local the effort, the interconnected nature of our transition networks is strong through solidarity and shared ideals of the new paradigm. we know what we don’t want, and we’re now in the seemingly chaotic reorganization phase of defining what we do want, yet we’re still not all the way sure how we’re going to get there or what it’s going to look like when we do:

“never in history have there been prepared alternatives. when feudalism disappeared and capitalism arrived, no one announced that at 12 o’clock one would end and at 12:01 the other would begin” (El Diario Interview with Arcadi Oliveres, Professor of Applied Economics at the Autonomous University of Barcelona and President of NGO Justicia y Pau (Justice and Peace), May 11, 2013; translation mine).

our new type of living social system has to evolve; it can’t be invented and assembled, but rather it will always be a surprise based on trial and error given the previously unknown capabilities of new systems.[ii] but we are clear on one thing, and that is that we can’t wait any longer. and while we might be scared of the unknown, we are even more scared of maintaining a status quo that condemns the lives of billions to subservience, oppression and marginal existence. doing nothing is no longer an option. for in doing nothing, in being content to live our day-to-day lives blind to the suffering of our brothers and sisters and our life-giving Mother Earth, we give consent by way of complacency to the injustice of elite power dominance over humanity and nature. and once we open our eyes to that reality, it is no longer a choice or an uncomfortable burden to our conscience, but a clear and irrefutable obligation to act. and to act now.

so what are we gonna do and how is this whole thing gonna go down? is violence our only option as dominant power interests hold tight to their reins in the face of resistance movements whose window for peaceful means of change grows increasingly narrow? many in the countermovement would say yes, that lacking traditional or democratic mechanisms for dismantling global capitalism without resorting to violence, we must meet force with force. i’m realistic enough to concede that at this stage in the game, they may unfortunately be right, and we may very well see the situation get worse before it gets better. however, i for one am hopefully (and practically) optimistic in aligning with a peaceful trajectory for nonviolent eco-socialist revolution. and it’s messy and uncomfortable and it forces us to be surreptitiously creative and outspoken when we’d otherwise cow to social pressure to conform because it’s easier. but we can, and we must, so we will.

withdrawing consent through civil resistance

“my life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?” ― David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

since the durability of power relies on the consent of the governed, particularly in democratic regimes where government is supposedly a representation of the desires of the people, the most important component of revolution is the withdrawal of that consent as a process of delegitimizing power. while seemingly obvious, this crucial step is perhaps the most difficult to catalyze given modern capitalism’s far-reaching tentacles and subtle tools of social control, including media, pop culture and consumerism, whereby the internalization of capitalist values by the majority is the most powerful form of consent, and the hardest to overcome. as David Harvey explains, the constructed consent of the majority of people is what allows the injustice and exploitation of the capitalist system to persist, requiring “the construction of political consent across a sufficiently large spectrum of the population”, centered around what Gramsci calls ‘common sense’, or ‘the sense held in common’, which is itself “constructed out of long-standing practices of cultural socialization often rooted in regional or national traditions”.[iii] so while people everywhere are being fed images of glamorous modern lifestyles espousing the accumulation of wealth and materialism as social aspirations, the revolution seeks to undermine such practices by drawing awareness to the fallacy that these lifestyles are even attainable let alone desirable given finite natural resources and income’s diminishing returns to happiness as discussed in the previous posts of this series. the Occupy Movement has been perhaps the most successful in this process, using the simple imagery of the 1% versus the 99% to single-handedly turn capitalism on its head and into a four-letter word by drawing attention to structural inequalities inherent in the system. social movements can continue this important work of deconstructing consent by propagating similar images in mainstream culture through social media, magazine articles, blogs and documentaries to raise consciousness as to why a complete overhaul of the system is necessary.

as part of this strategy, transforming patterns of production and consumption are coming to define the countermovement, whereby economic localization and individuals’ voluntary withdrawal from consumer culture have become important means of resistance to corporate control of what and how we live, relate, produce and consume. by opting out of the global economy and saying ‘no’ to the modern consumer lifestyle by buying (minimally) and producing locally, creating non-capitalist mechanisms of exchange and barter, and swapping previously-owned goods for other previously-owned goods instead of buying new things, we are leading by example and weakening the influence of mass production and its mantra of ‘buy-buy-buy’ to support corporations and the economic growth mechanism fundamental to global capitalism. at the same time, opting out of the debt-cycle money system is another way of withdrawing consent by limiting the power of banks to enrich themselves and their executives at the expense of the working class, while simultaneously reversing the power relationship between people and moneylenders. this entails students saying no to repaying outstanding student debt, families opting against taking out a loan or mortgage to buy a house, and small-business entrepreneurs finding alternative means of financing outside the banking system. while these processes may be slow to catch on given the socially ingrained lifestyle practices of modernity and the internalization of the values behind the American Dream, they are specific and tangible steps with potentially powerful and wide-reaching implications when more and more people join in the fun.

similarly, nonviolent protest in the form of civil resistance has been increasingly powerful in the withdrawal of consent despite mainstream media’s minimal coverage of mass protests in cities around the world. disobeying illegitimate laws, showing up for protests at all levels, sitting or standing in silence as a form of resistance, and impeding construction efforts for environmentally destructive energy projects all fall under the category of nonviolent civil resistance, and their impact is broad yet subtle. undermining state power in stealthy ways is one method of saying ‘no’ to social control and injustice, and the more of us who are willing to risk the consequences, the greater our chances of making unjust laws a thing of the past.

i have been accused of political posturing and criticized as too radical by proposing things like abstention in US elections, but i write these things as a challenge to all of us to consider our role in perpetuating global injustice, violence and war by legitimizing otherwise illegitimate policies; we do this by exercising our supposed democratic right to vote and elect our leaders and policymakers, and taking it a step further, by funding the wars and economic practices we claim to oppose by continuing to pay taxes, fueling the machines of war and contributing to the loss of innocent lives to protect what we are told are our ‘national interests’. we are beginning to recognize that those national interests are in fact not ours but rather those of a teeny-tiny majority at odds with the needs and lives of billions around the world, yet we continue to offer our consent by doing things like voting and paying taxes. at what point do our leaders and representatives’ actions become illegitimate if we are the ones tacitly offering our consent in the democratic system of which we are a part? when it stops being about ‘we the people’ versus ‘them the leaders we elected but whose policies we don’t agree with’, we cannot ignore our role in this great big mess we call democracy – WE ARE THEM AND WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR POLICIES because we legitimize them through continuing to play the game of democracy, thereby supporting murder, exploitation and environmental destruction in the process. the overt withdrawal of these forms of consent is what is ultimately required by us as individuals propelling the revolution as the means of delegitimizing our corporation-controlled governments. we may worry that our singular acts of resistance are futile against the overwhelming power of dominant interests and the state apparatuses of control, but with all of our individual actions taken together as a multitude of drops in the countermovement ocean, we are not alone, and we are powerful indeed. and there aren’t enough jail cells to house us all anyway. :)  

strengthening the global countermovement for peaceful revolution

…fear not, fellow revolutionaries: our time is now.

another, more positive reality, however, is that much of the global countermovement is not centered in the Global North, whose hesitance to disobey is slowing the revolutionary process. instead, many of the revolutionary epicenters are in the cities and communities of the Global South, where people are no longer waiting for change to come to them; on the contrary, resistance and socioeconomic alternatives are emerging organically and powerfully by the people of the South in the form of new social movements, political parties and local strategies to design communities and government institutions in the best interest of people and the planet, rendering mainstream systems of dominance and control increasingly irrelevant. Raj Patel writes of this phenomenon as the countermovement and contends that “the people leading such movements are the poor, the dispossessed, the marginalized, the people on whose shoulders the externalities of the rich often fall, the world’s least free people who are discovering that they are The Change They’ve Been Waiting For”^[iv].

Philip Smith and Manfred Max-Neef refer to this flow of people-power energy as “an unstoppable underground movement of civil society”:

what we have is two parallel worlds. one concerned with politics, competition, greed and power, which seems to have everything under its control; and another concerned with equity, well-being, respect for life and solidarity, which doesn’t control anything, but grows and expands as an unstoppable underground movement of civil society…. the latter, because of its dispersion, its diversity, its fierce independence and its chaotic structure, cannot be beheaded nor can it collapse…. the need for radical change of the dominant economic model underlies all the components of the movement”^[v] [italics mine].

this movement of civil society is making its presence felt in societies of both the Global North and South as a reaction to the harms of modern lifestyles of overconsumption and profit-seeking plundering and exploitation. citizens in the North have begun expressing their desires to escape the ills of modernity, to ‘un-develop’ for greater sustainability, sufficiency and a return to the ‘human home’: “accepting and living by sufficiency rather than excess offers a return to what is, culturally speaking, the human home: to the ancient order of family, community, good work, and good life; to a reverence for skill, creativity and creation…; to communities worth spending a lifetime in; and to local places pregnant with the memories of generations”^[vi].

as Fritjof Capra notes poignantly, it is this connection between civil society in the South and sympathetic Northerners with power that is finally tipping the scales in the direction of revolution, creating a global social movement promoting people-centered approaches and democratic, participatory political processes[vii]. we see these trends emerging in the annual World Social Forum, the International Forum on Globalization’s seminal report on “Alternatives to Economic Globalization”, ongoing meetings of the Group of 77 (G-77), now comprised of 132 developing countries united within the UN system to support collective economic interests and strengthen negotiating power, and most recently with 350.org’s Global Power Shift – all coming to define the revolutionary processes of ‘globalization from below’[viii] to counter increasingly discredited institutions like the United Nations, World Trade Organization, World Bank and International Monetary Fund.

the unity in solidarity we are seeing in these new movements is not merely a coincidental convergence of similar yet unrelated calls for individual and social change, but rather an early reflection of what Morris Berman calls ‘the waning of the modern ages’: “the dual process of the disintegration of capitalism and the concomitant emergence of an alternative socioeconomic formation”; what is to be “the central story of the rest of the century”^[ix]. as alternative socioeconomic formations continue taking shape, we move closer to satisfying Lindner’s requirements for the transition to a ‘dignity economy’, which:

requires a multi-thronged approach with two core moves…. it must be a hybrid bottom-up and top-down approach. a simple combination of bottom-up and top-down would not suffice, because we cannot wait for the majority of the world’s citizens to become Mandelas from the bottom up. we can also not wait for the politicians of our time to implement necessary changes from the top down.”^[x]

as the interests of social movements, civil society, grassroots community organizations, and select policymakers conjoin within the global countermovement, we find hope in envisioning a peaceful transition toward new alternatives to support the full realization of human potentialities, meaningful community livelihoods and relevant ways of living in harmony with nature – outside the confines of the global economic order and its international instruments of domination, exploitation and oppression. in building the new, the countermovement undermines the power of the old by making it both unnecessary and irrelevant.

while this post helps us get a clearer understanding of what the revolution looks and feels like on the individual, national and global levels, the following and final installment of this 5-part series will get into the meat of what comes after the revolution as a guide for where we’re headed next: post-capitalist alternatives and people ‘doing utopia’ in communities around the world.   

---

[i] Jeremy Brecher, Tim Costello, & Brendan Smith, Globalization from Below: The Power of Solidarity (Cambridge: South End Press, 2000): 45.

[ii] Graeme Taylor, Evolution’s Edge: The Coming Collapse and Transforming of Our World. (Gabriola Island: New Society Publishers, 2008).

[iii] David Harvey, A Brief History of Neoliberalism (New York: Oxford University Press, 2005): 39.

[iv] Raj Patel, The Value of Nothing: How to Reshape Market Society and Redefine Democracy (New York: Picador, 2009): 108.

[v] Philip B. Smith and Manfred Max-Neef, Economics Unmasked: From Power and Greed to Compassion and the Common Good (UK: Green Books, 2011): 173-174.

[vi] Alan Thein Durning, “Are We Happy Yet?” Ecopsychology (San Francisco: Sierra Club Books, 1995): 76.

[vii] Fritjof Capra, The Hidden Connections: A Science for Sustainable Living. (New York: Anchor Books, 2002).

[viii] Jeremy Brecher, Tim Costello, & Brendan Smith, Globalization from Below: The Power of Solidarity (Cambridge: South End Press, 2000).

[ix] Morris Berman, “The Waning of the Modern Ages,” Counterpunch (September 20, 2012).  www.counterpunch.org/2012/09/20/the-waning-of-the-modern-ages/

[x] Evelin Lindner, A Dignity Economy: Creating an Economy that Serves Human Dignity and Preserves Our Planet (Oregon: World Dignity University Press, 2011).

we, the purveyors of awesomeness

as he contemplated his footing high up on the rocks, curiosity alight in his focused eyes, i saw him at once as a little boy and as a grown man. and i couldn’t tell if i was looking at him as a young girl or as a woman, stretching my body backwards across a sun-warmed boulder, staring up at the sky between the leaves. i closed my eyes for a moment in sheer gratitude and felt the cool drops on my bare skin before the sound of his splash reached my ears. he came up grinning and i smiled back in acknowledgement before he climbed back up there to do it again.

we were three at the secluded swimming hole, venturing into the natural caves created by the river flowing between two solid cliffs, rock-walking and testing our strength against the current of the rushing waterfall. we were brothers and sister playing in the woods, or we were native hunter-gatherers from a forgotten past, celebrating the gifts of Mother Earth and cleansing ourselves in her waters, or maybe we three were forbidden lovers living out an exotic jungle fantasy - the stuff erotic dreams are made of. in those moments, when the seconds lost themselves in the flow of the falls, we were all of those things and all of those souls all rolled into one, all wrapped up in the same speck of space, the same tick in time. it’s a feeling you can’t express in words, a glimpse of the divine you might experience a few times a year if you’re lucky, maybe a few more if you surf, maybe all the time if you’re a wandering nomad. it’s you and it’s nature and that’s it. and it fills you up like nothing else possibly could. and in a few breaths it’s over: a tingling sensation, a fading memory.

“it was awesome…” we’d say, returning back to the group, showing them a few photos from our mini-adventure. they hadn’t experienced it with us this time, but they knew the feeling. i had seen it in their faces in the sea a few days before, instantly renewed after an exhausting hike, bobbing in the waves, ducking under the whitewater, feeling and being completely present to each other, to the water surrounding their bodies, to the breeze at their cheeks, to the sand at their feet.  i think this, more than any other part of the trip, is what brings me the most joy to observe. in those instants i stop being their teacher or their tour guide or their surf buddy. i embody something so wholly unique and wonderfully meaningful: i am the Purveyor of Awesomeness, offering a forum for evoking a sense of oneness and connection to both humankind and nature, getting to share the gifts of this magical land and her beautiful people with strangers i can now call friends. it’s this unwritten unspoken in the job description that i cherish and love the most. 

experiences  like these connect us so deeply to those we share them with that it becomes almost comical to think that we have only known each other for a few days, since the connection we now share has punctured deep beneath the surface into the spaces where our inner child resides, where our true self reigns and rejoices. we feel closer to one another than we might feel even to some of our oldest friends, roommates we’ve shared all our secrets with, perhaps even partners and certain family members whose roles have become so common in our lives that they seem almost superficial in many ways. the stale commonplace of our daily presence in each other’s lives has grown ordinary as we go through the motions of living near and with one another but rarely take the time to ask the messy questions with the long answers and seek out the transformative experiences that connect our souls. and it’s this loss of connection with those who once knew us best and those with whom we’ve shared the most time that makes it so intriguingly strange to feel ourselves so intimately bound to these new friends whose existence was all but irrelevant to us just days before. these new friendships, while perhaps quite temporary in time and space, indeed make us wonder:  maybe it’s not about how long we’ve shared, but about what we’ve shared that determines the depth of our relationships and their potential to help us learn and grow and become. by awakening us to our deepest and truest selves, these new friendships and the shared experiences they embody allow us to remember and renew who we are from the inside out in ways that old relationships and the patterns we’ve fallen into might not.

i contrast this reflection with the way i’ve lived my life in Costa Rica for the past few years, now that the newness has worn off and i’ve made the transition from tourist to resident. nowadays i can’t be bothered to go on the crocodile tour again with friends of friends visiting for the week or have dinner with a cute surfer from Venezuela i meet in the line-up on his last night in town. what would be the point of connecting with someone new only for them to disappear forever the very next day? i’ve become so resolved to placing meaning only in relationships with people whose permanence in my life seems somehow guaranteed that i’ve closed myself off to the potential of fleeting friendships with strangers - the same strangers, i’ve now realized, whose presence may be a divine gift of shared transformation and soul-level connection. now i’m in a panic of regret – have i missed out on half a decade of personal growth and endless depth of oneness with all beings by not engaging with tourists in all of their adventurous and transient glory?

and the most irrational part of all is that when i start feeling stuck or i notice life and relationships getting stale, my go-to solution is to take a trip somewhere, go off the map for a few days, become a tourist again myself, surf some new waves, strike up some unique conversation with some unfamiliar faces. i have to leave town to find fresh experiences to feed my soul. could it really be that everything i’m looking for when i take off to somewheresville is actually right there in front of me – in the smile of any and every tourist on the street?

and that’s just one side of it; it actually gets even more embarrassingly simple (or bafflingly common, depending on how we look at it). in all of my seeking outside, jumping from place to place to such an extreme that i have been able to see and visit so many different places and friends (experiences i still wouldn’t trade for all the tea in china), i have consequently and quite effectively prevented the need for deepening any friendships with the people i already know in the places i call home. i’ll give fifty cheek kisses at the local surf contest every Saturday afternoon, many to people i see all the time but whose names i don’t even know and whose life story i’ve definitely never dared to learn, yet i can count the number of close relationships i have in this town on one hand. so not only am i seeking depth and connection by travelling to faraway lands to engage with strangers when i have a plethora of said strangers in the form of tourists in my very own reality, i also shy away from the potential to connect on a deeper level with the people i have shared a common community and lifestyle with since i was 19 years old. what the hell is going on here?

is it that i assume i know everything there is to know about these people because we’ve lived on and surfed the same stretch of shoreline for the past 7 or 8 years? am i too lazy to make a new friend or too content in my teeny tiny bubble of everyday life that it doesn’t even cross my mind to invite someone new over for dinner or find out what makes someone tick? or are we too far past the point-of-no-return acquaintance-ship that we can’t entertain an updated version of our mostly comfortable distant relationship? or do we take what we’ve heard through the grapevine about each other at face value, making a quick judgment on who we choose to engage with and who we cast by the wayside without even getting to know one another? am i alone in asking myself these questions, or are we all thinking and doing the very same thing every time our neighbor comes home and we barely acknowledge each other’s presence? or when we can’t find anything good to say after the how-are-yous are exchanged, effectively signaling the end-all-be-all of our every conversation? why do we even go through the pleasantries?

is it perhaps that our lack of shared past prevents our deeper connection in the present, thereby limiting any possibility for true depth of friendship? or are we just too hesitant to even go there? or have our lives in tropical paradise grown so routinely mundane that we forget to create the experiences that will help deepen our relationships and renew our oneness with nature, self and others? is it not enough that we share this irreplaceably unique moment in time in such a small geographic space that we might wish to seek some semblance of closeness to those around us? why is it sometimes easier to develop a deep connection with someone you’ve never met than to deepen the connections with those you’ve known for years?  

why is it, that in seeking experiences of oneness, we often feel the need to leave our present reality in search of something new and different? when perhaps, if we look a little closer, try a little harder and open ourselves a little further, we might just find what we’re looking for in the people and places we constantly escape on our endless journey to finding our truest selves. and while complete strangers can quickly become friends through shared joys and tribulations, long-lasting depth in relationships takes a little more oomph and commitment, requiring us to renew and strengthen our existing friendships, maybe through inquisitive, thought-provoking conversations or shared experiences that challenge us to grow and evolve as people. if this type of deep connection is what many of us are seeking, how do we get there from here? can we find ways to connect with each other so that we might connect with ourselves a little more in the process? and at the same time, can we connect with ourselves enough that we are able to take those important first steps to finally reach out to those around us, fostering a shared sense of community as a result? and in that sense, can we all be the Purveyors of Awesomeness for ourselves and one another?

...i like to believe we can.